hmm...

there are too many mediocre things in the world, but LOVE shouldn't be one of them. ~one of the most well put quotes I have ever had the pleasure of hearing.

"Within you, I lose myself.
Without you, I find myself
Wanting to be lost again. "

i am sadly (one of the later realizations in my life...) the new-age fatalist. I believe in love at first sight. I believe in karma. I believe in THE higher being who allows the joys & pains of the fastidious yet unpredictable emotion called LOVE. I believe in soulmates. I believe that we should all be allowed a little fantasy...and that if this makes us all a little crazy, then so be it. I believe in bliss. I believe that you can kiss someone and not feel one damn thing. I also believe that one intense shared look can spark more than a tinge of ego-boosting attraction which will consequently make you weak in the knees. I believe in secrets. I believe that you know for sure that it's the real thing the moment you meet him. I believe that it will always be better to single for the right reasons, then to be with someone for all the wrong ones.

i sit here, and wonder about my life. i pondered on something i read from a fellow blogger. (read 'em & weep, why don't ya?)

hmm. is it better to have a life with all the 'presumed' securities it brings (a husband, kids, money, a house...you know the drill...) or a life that belongs to you and you alone? i wonder about it at night, sitting on my comfy chair in my big house, wondering about the life i long to live. How I long to be free from all the things that tie me down. I long to just have a life that's more about living...i long for a love that's more about lifting my spirits. i have a life filled with security, and it's a life i don't want. tell me, what the fuck is wrong with me?

The one good thing about never having been in love is that you don't long for the feeling, not having experienced it first-hand...you never actually feel you missed on something you never had.

At 20-something, that may be kind of pathetic...but in this woman-child's case, painstakingly true. How often should people fall in love in a lifetime? Will I ever find myself in that state??? Will I ever even find him??? hmm.

My friend GEC had messaaged me this yesterday after (much to my annoyance- i refuse to be defined as such...as textbook 'romantic') => "Oh my God! You're such a romantic...i can't tell if it makes you happier or depressed..."

quod me nutrit me destruit => very strong words that i adhere to. What nourishes me also destroys me. How true in my case!